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    Question meeting new people

    Help? I need some advice... this MAY be kind of a long rant.

    So even WAY back while i was in middle school I had my group of friends and then when we went to high school most of us split up then by like 10th grade none of us really hung out.. some started sports so they hung out with those people... other did the drama stuff.. & some started drugs.. & I was none of it. I didnt do many school social activities.. I did Dance&Gymnastics but I didnt really hang out with anyone from there either.

    But in 11th grade I started hanging out with my now best friend.. we had gone to school together our whole lives but we were in different 'groups' if u want to say.. We are still very good friends hang out ALL the time.. But after graduating high school and now college i feel like I have alienated ALL of my friends besides her..

    I just dont understand why ANY time someone tries to get close to me to be friends or even date i push them away.. OR i dont know how to act around them because I want to impress them which is stupid because if they dont like me for me then they should be my friend or boyfriend... But with my social anxiety i really freeze up and get nervous and really shy.. & dont say much or dont know what to say because i dont want to look like a dumbass...

    I also go for guys that are unavailable. & I think i do this because i know i wont get let down when it doesn't work out.. but what I want the most is a relationship to have someone to talk to, to do things with... Then ill get a guy who approachs me and he could be the nicest guy and ill look for reason that it wont work out or things about them that i dont like..

    I have had one relationship that last about 2 years off and on and it was okay except i always felt like he was putting me down because I didnt have a big circle of friends..

    Can anyone relate? Or no of any advice? I HATE feeling so alone all the time. :-/

    I really want to meet new people but now working full time & i moved a year ago to a new town but i dont really know anyone besides the people i work with and the majority of them are WAY older then me..

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    I don't really have any advice, but I'm really bad as well when it comes to anything social. I had friends in school, but then we went our separate ways. I actually prefer to be myself although I'd love to have a decent guy to hang out with. It's a good thing that you look for reasons it won't work out/things about them you don't like when it comes to guys. Don't ever think you should settle for less. Men are jerks. What about that guy you posted about back in November in the Lonely Hearts thread that you could talk to for hours? How long did that last for? Maybe the reason you do those things is because you don't want a jerk in your life. I remember you posting about your ex and he seemed like a jerk based off what you said in the past.
    Last edited by ~Tiffany~; 06-12-2011 at 11:14 PM.


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    Melissa (06-16-2011)

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    I'm sorry, Melissa!! You're such a sweet girl, you deserve lots of awesome friends and an amazing boyfriend! I'm really lucky in that I have a good group of close friends, but if I were working full-time and in a new city, I wouldn't really know how to go about meeting people either. One of my best friends is about to move to Santa Fe for 6 months doing a full-time internship and she knows NO ONE. I really admire her going out there, but I would be way too scared to do that for fear I wouldn't know how to meet friend-type people without something like school forcing you to meet people.

    I know it sounds dumb, but are there any groups or sports you could do or join? You said you did gymnastics and dance... maybe there's a studio or a gym somewhere you could do pick-up dance or aerobics classes? One of my friends has made some friends at her gym from Zumba classes. Does your one close friend live nearby? Have her be a wingwoman and go out to a couple bars or something one night maybe?


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    Melissa (06-16-2011)

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    I have had a lot of trouble meeting new people as well, and I completely know what you mean. For the past couple of years, I have been trying to reconnect and be friends with people I knew in high school. I graduated a good 8 years ago, but a lot of people from my town are born here, and they never leave. A lot of them I was never really friends with in high school, but I thought maybe I could be friends with them now, since they're still around. But for the most part, it really doesn't go very well. It seems like all of them are in a "clique" and they're not really interested in making anymore new friends. Several people have tried to talk me out of doing this, it's just that it's hard if you live in a town like mine. And I see what Gretch is saying, it can be very very hard to make friends once you get older, and you don't have something like a school that brings you altogether. I never really hung out with anyone outside of school when I was younger, and I just thought/wished that everybody in my school was my friend. Once I learned the sad truth about that, I felt like it was one of the most difficult things for me to learn. I then learned that most of the 500 or so people I went to high school with ... are mere acquaintances.

    Today, when I do go hang out with people from high school, which isn't very often, only at occasional parties where practically the whole town is invited, I often feel like I'm isolated. I'll approach a group of people who I kind of like, but they will all be talking/laughing with each other, and it's like they won't let me get a word in. And I remember one time last year, I went to this day drinking fundraiser where they had a beirut tournament, and practically all the "cool kids" were playing. I had never played that game before, but I wanted to learn how because everyone else was. But nobody wanted me on their team, nor did anyone have the patience to teach me how to play.

    People have suggested that I try some organizations where I meet people with disabilities just like me, but that offends me because I'd rather hang out with normal people, and some of the people I've met in those groups can be boring.

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    Melissa (06-16-2011)

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    Did you get any advice from elsewhere? I'll share a story of what happened to me a couple of days ago. I was hanging out with my friend and her bf and we don't hang out much. She's pretty understanding about my shyness and I knocked over my soda two times and spilt it because I'm clumsy. I was embarrassed then, but it wasn't a big deal. When they talk about something that interests me, I'll talk about it too. She's the only person I'm friends with nowadays and I met her through my ex friend.


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    Melissa (06-16-2011)

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    thanks guys! I havent really got any advice elsewhere because honestly i havent shared this with anyone that i see on a daily basis because I dont know if theyd understand..

    my mom constantly makes remarks about how when she was my age she was always out dating and hanging out with friends and i really dont have that.. i pushed everyone away and now i dont know how to make new friends or anything.. it was so easy in school..

    BUT my biggest thing that bothers me know is that I have had a few guys in the past year show interest in me... and i have actually had crushes on them in the past but nothign happened however we hang out and I LOOK for things that I dont like so i have a reason to not hang out with them... for example one guy he was SOO nice! but he was also reallyy shy so we had a hard time connecting but once we started to id be like ugg i cant stand the way he talks.. or how he cant spell or stupid shit that should realy matter... then this other guy i went to high school with and had a crush on him before has stated that he likes me..but im like UGGG no i dont really want to date anyone i went to school with... its like stupid shit and i honestly dont know why i do this too myself.. i miss out on great relationships with people.

    i have also disovered i think part of my problem is that ive never had a good example of a relationship.. my parents are together but they dont really show affection towards each other in any way so i think i have a hard time with how a relationship is suppose to be..

    okay there was another rant. haha sorry guys

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    Quote Originally Posted by Melissa View Post
    thanks guys! I havent really got any advice elsewhere because honestly i havent shared this with anyone that i see on a daily basis because I dont know if theyd understand..

    my mom constantly makes remarks about how when she was my age she was always out dating and hanging out with friends and i really dont have that.. i pushed everyone away and now i dont know how to make new friends or anything.. it was so easy in school..

    BUT my biggest thing that bothers me know is that I have had a few guys in the past year show interest in me... and i have actually had crushes on them in the past but nothign happened however we hang out and I LOOK for things that I dont like so i have a reason to not hang out with them... for example one guy he was SOO nice! but he was also reallyy shy so we had a hard time connecting but once we started to id be like ugg i cant stand the way he talks.. or how he cant spell or stupid shit that should realy matter... then this other guy i went to high school with and had a crush on him before has stated that he likes me..but im like UGGG no i dont really want to date anyone i went to school with... its like stupid shit and i honestly dont know why i do this too myself.. i miss out on great relationships with people.

    i have also disovered i think part of my problem is that ive never had a good example of a relationship.. my parents are together but they dont really show affection towards each other in any way so i think i have a hard time with how a relationship is suppose to be..

    okay there was another rant. haha sorry guys
    My parents also never show affection towards each other. My dad tries, but my mom pushes him away. She thinks I'm a whore, but I've never been with that many guys and I don't want to date now cause it never works out. I'd rather wait until I have my life together. I really wouldn't be able to date guys I went to high school with either. It would be weird to me and I only crushed on one or two guys when I went there. I think you should talk about your issues with other people. If they truly care, they'd understand. Maybe they'd be able to help and be patient with you.


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    I find it hard to make friends too Melissa, but in a different way it seems. I'm just shy and people don't seem to warm to me and it's really difficult It does help to go and try new things though, I'd suggest something where there's not loads of people but a smaller close knit group.

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