Help? I need some advice... this MAY be kind of a long rant.
So even WAY back while i was in middle school I had my group of friends and then when we went to high school most of us split up then by like 10th grade none of us really hung out.. some started sports so they hung out with those people... other did the drama stuff.. & some started drugs.. & I was none of it. I didnt do many school social activities.. I did Dance&Gymnastics but I didnt really hang out with anyone from there either.
But in 11th grade I started hanging out with my now best friend.. we had gone to school together our whole lives but we were in different 'groups' if u want to say.. We are still very good friends hang out ALL the time.. But after graduating high school and now college i feel like I have alienated ALL of my friends besides her..
I just dont understand why ANY time someone tries to get close to me to be friends or even date i push them away.. OR i dont know how to act around them because I want to impress them which is stupid because if they dont like me for me then they should be my friend or boyfriend... But with my social anxiety i really freeze up and get nervous and really shy.. & dont say much or dont know what to say because i dont want to look like a dumbass...
I also go for guys that are unavailable. & I think i do this because i know i wont get let down when it doesn't work out.. but what I want the most is a relationship to have someone to talk to, to do things with... Then ill get a guy who approachs me and he could be the nicest guy and ill look for reason that it wont work out or things about them that i dont like..
I have had one relationship that last about 2 years off and on and it was okay except i always felt like he was putting me down because I didnt have a big circle of friends..
Can anyone relate? Or no of any advice? I HATE feeling so alone all the time. :-/
I really want to meet new people but now working full time & i moved a year ago to a new town but i dont really know anyone besides the people i work with and the majority of them are WAY older then me..