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Thread: Has anyone had experience with dealing with people with eating disorders? :(

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    Has anyone had experience with dealing with people with eating disorders? :(

    I'm in a tough situation... it's looking more and more like one of my friends has an eating disorder. Since we're both at school, I don't see her a whole lot, but I saw her a few weeks ago and was like "...OMG she has lost so much weight." and she is just soooo bony now. And not just like "Look at that girl, she's skinny!"... it's like "OMG Look at that girl's shoulder blades protruding out of her skin.".

    My other friend just saw her a few weeks ago too and I finally messaged her to be like "Yo. Did you notice how skinny she's gotten?!" and she agreed that she was so concerned. But we didn't know if people at school, her family, etc. had already been talking to her about it and we didn't want to like, jump down her throat about it if people were already talking to her about it.

    So we messaged her roommate and things are... bad It was so sad to hear about. She's lost like 25 pounds in the past year or so and is now under 100 pounds and she's probably about 5'4". Her roommate said she only eats 800-1000 calories a day and she works out 4-5 times a week to burn like 600 calories each time. Apparently her family has noticed, the roommate has noticed, and people keep saying things to her but it's not getting through her head. She went for her physical and the doctor said she was severely underweight and she hasn't had her period for like 8 months now because of it. And she called the doctor crazy for saying that!

    I'm sorry to ramble, it's just I really don't know what to do. My friend and I are going to write something to her, because we won't be seeing her for over a month. But we're at a loss for what we should say. We don't want her to get mad and alienate us when we're trying to help. We want to be like "EVERYONE THINKS YOU LOOK SICK, NOT PRETTY AND THIN!!!" which I know is a superficial reason for her to be concerned and want to gain weight, but it doesn't sound like "You're hurting your body..." will work because her roommate's already been trying that. In the long run she's obviously going to have to tackle bigger issues as to why she's having this problem, etc. but we're so worried about her in the short run, maybe using superficial reasoning to get her to eat more than salads and veggie wraps and gain even 5 pounds back would be a good idea...


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    When I had an eating disorder, my friends treated me like crap because they obviously didn't agree with what I was doing. But in retrospect, their tough love routine actually really hurt my feelings.

    Gretch, if I were you, I would just try to talk to your friend. Don't be afraid of a bad reaction. The most you can do is try, and if she doesn't want help, then it's not meant to be. Sometimes you can't make people change or make them do things, even if it means bettering themselves or their lives. But you can't choose inaction, because no matter what, it's your duty as a friend to at least step up and try to help her.

    However, do not feel obligated to stay and try again and again if she does not want help. People with eating disorders have to arrive at that point by themselves or not at all.

    Chalk it up to lessons learned
    Miles walked and bridges burned
    Just another memory in the back of my mind
    Lock it up, throw away the key
    Forget the things you promised me
    Just another thing I can't forget
    Just another thing I won't forget



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    It's really tough because it's a mental disorder so reason and just stating what is obviously true to you doesn't really get through. I think all you can do is let her know you are there for her so if she ever does need someone she knows she can talk to you. If she has more and more people telling her she needs help it might eventually sink in so you can at least try!

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    Thanks guys!! My friend and I are going to message her in the next couple days... it's mostly going to be hard because we don't want her to know that we went behind her back and talked to her roommate. So we can't use any of the information we know from the roommate. We basically have to pretend all we know is that she is looking soooo skinny and bony and scary. I'm also worried she's going to just lie or brush it off since she thinks we know nothing and she can hide it.


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