Ah, yes. American Idol, the show that brought Kris Allen to the masses (unwillingly). You didn't really see Kris a whole lot in the beginning. They showed about two seconds of his audition (thankfully you can view all of it here
Oh, look! The judges are giving him shit for being honest! It's adorable!), but he did show off his rad newspaper boy hat (and by rad, I mean white boy chic)
So obviously he went to Hollywood and he got through to the Top 36. No one really knew or care, because they didn't show him at all. Like... at all. Oh, wait! He was part of the kick-ass group White Chocolate
. Yeah, that about sums up Kris's screen time during Hollywood week. But listen to the harmonizing! The warm vocals! The interesting phrasing! Whoo!
The next time we saw Kris was Group Two week of the semi-finals. He was dancing like a spaz and all of America was like, "Aw, aren't you just a cute thing? I can't take you seriously, though."
And then he performed Man in the Mirror! And it was a'ight, dawg! There was one point where he like, spins his arm like he's making a lasso. Watching it, I was like, "Oh, shit, this Macaulay Culkin bitch means BIDNEZ."
All the David Archuleta fangirls were like, "Hmm, I like this kid's style." And you know what? He was voted to the Top 12! Still, no grown woman could, in good conscious, be sexually-attracted to a guy that looked like a shoe-in for an Old Navy juniors' department commercial. I mean, look at him! How was he allowed to perform at such a late time on a school night?
Then he had a little bit of a five o'clock shadow going on and he got better HAIR and suddenly it was like, "Oh, really, Kris?"
And then... "Ain't No Sunshine" happened.
I felt fooled and tricked, tbh. And lied to. Who knew under all those JCPenney's sale items, there was a sexy, hot guy? When he got to the bridge, he started swinging his arms around like he was a slave to the music or some shit. He was like Rainman with the faucet turned on. I felt like his balls dropped right there on stage, in front of America.
And each week he just got better...
White tees! Guitars! Obscure ballads! (I know, it won the Oscar, but Bobby from the Jiffy Lube didn't know that.)
Properly fitted suits! Henleys!
By the end of his Idol journey, he had aged about four years. Chris Hansen was like, "oh nvm"
Side-by-side pics of his first week of Idol competition to the last. Kris Allen's a MAN.